—by Matthew Talley

Ladies and Gentlemen...We are capos.

Contrary to popular belief, we are not cheerleaders.  We are not ambassadors.  We are not your buddies.  We are the men and women who give everything we have within us to ensure that YOU support the Portland Timbers through thick and thin, and we are nothing more or less than that.

Much has been made of us this season.  We're not the "in crowd."  We're not "glory seekers."  We're not "dancing monkeys."  We're folks who pay for our season tickets, and turn our backs to EVERY match to make sure that the boys in green hear a unified Timbers Army supporting them through Hell of high water.  And we are damn glad to do the work we do.

In the past 3 weeks, our team has lost ten points in the playoff hunt, and we've gone minus ten in goal differential .  PTFC is spiraling towards the Wooden Spoon.  The players have lost their fighting spirit, and no longer play for pride.  The Timbers Army has become more of a spectacle than a supporters group.  And complaints on social media have ranged from "Our team sucks" to "Gavin Out," to "My capo was mean to me" have been doled out aplenty about like candy on Halloween in a rich neighborhood.

But through it all, the capos continue to give their all for the club, their town, and the TA.  And it's about time I do the same.  I became a board member in the past year, and I have been so focused on being a nice guy, I have shunned my duties as a capo, which is not to be The Nicest Guy in the TA.  I'm supposed to be a motivator.  I'm supposed to be a fighter.  I'm supposed to give it my all, even when the scoreboard says I should quit.  And it's about time I start doing that.

My knees hurt.  My voice continues to weaken as weeks go by.  I miss the USL days, and I miss the friends that I used to stand with before I was a capo.  And I am so damn frustrated at some folks in my sections whose top priority is getting "their spot" in the TA and posting photos of their bros on Instagram that they forget that the Portland Timbers are playing that day.  And you know what?  That is my fault, and I need to get over it.

I haven't been tough enough.  I haven't been merciless.  I haven't gone a full 90.  I have showed pity on the folks who want to take in the "TA Experience" more than they want to give their all to the club.  Those are my failures, and when I think back to the 2012 season, this is what I have to live with.  But no more.

I'm giving my all to the Timbers for the rest of the season.  And Sections 102 and 103, I'm coming, and Hell is coming with me.  I'm going to scream.  I'm going to shout.  A profanity or two might slip.  And if you're a "statue" and just "want to watch the match," I'm going to point out you out, mock you, and not relent until you sing a song, shuffle to Tetris, or pogo until I am satisfied.  You bought a ticket.  You came down to the lower bowl.  You wanted to be a part of the TA, even for just one night.  Now you're going to do what my fellow capos and I say.

Again, we're not the "in crowd."  We're not "glory seekers."  We're not "dancing monkeys."  This is who we are:

Sunday: You might brag about how bad you are.  She is everything that you brag about being.

Camm: He takes the temperature on the field.  And unlike the weatherman, he gets it right, every time.

Timberista: A true gentleman.  You'll miss him dearly when he's gone.

Bickle:  Living history.

Pong: The best of us.  The capos wouldn't be who they are today if it wasn't for his acceptance, teaching, and passion.

TimberJoe:  Want to know why the capos are so together as a group?  Ask him.  He did the heavy lifting this off-season.

Cowbell: My capo.  I would follow that guy to the gates of Hell.  Why wouldn't you do the same?

IceFunk: That's no bro.  That's a guy who grew up in the Timbers Army, created his own section when there was nothing, and leads it like Patton.

Milo: This man is the future.  Follow his lead.

Patch: 200 level and the top of 102/103.  This is not a spectator sport. You're Timbers Army too.  And he will remind you of that.

We are capos.  You might not like us all the time, you might not want to do what we say, but you will respect us.  Because we will make you bend to our will to support the Timbers no matter what happens on the pitch.  You didn't elect us.  You inherited us.  And we will be here long after a great many of you cash in your season tickets and tell stories of fondness and lorn at dinner parties about that time when you were a part of the Timbers Army.

We are capos.  We'll never quit.

—by Andrew Brawley

Anyone claiming to be Timbers Army is well aware that the 2012 Timbers’ season has fallen short of pre-season expectations. For some unknown reason, the team just can’t seem to pin down that magic recipe that will propel the team back into the playoff hunt. So here we are, more than half way through the season, holding up the bottom of the table, tied with Toronto FC, who claimed the record for worst season start in MLS history, and 14 points out of a playoff spot in the Western Conference.

As the approach toward last night’s match vs. Chivas USA rolled on, the first sign of what should be a real concern for the Timbers front office became evident: season ticket holders were selling their tickets and having to compete for buyers.

Folks, the marketplace appears to have spoken.

Since the announcement of MLS adding Portland to its portfolio, the Timbers were the hottest ticket in town. This was no surprise, as such an occurrence is natural for most expansion teams. Add to it that the Timbers already existed in various forms since the 1970’s, and that the Blazers were still feeling the hangover effects of Greg Oden, and you can see why Timbers owner Merritt Paulson had no qualms with making such an investment in our market.

Since opening day, getting tickets to a Timbers game meant you had to: A) be a season ticket holder; B) be at the front of the line at the box office; C) click very fast on Ticketmaster; D) buy from a dirty, filthy scalper, or E) wish illness on somebody who had tickets, forcing them to sell to you.

I hate to say it, but those days might be over.

It’s not like the Timbers have to worry too much about maintaining a sellout streak. Anyone attending Blazers games in the past year can attest that a technical sellout certainly doesn’t mean every seat was filled. It just means that every available ticket was distributed, either via point-of-sale or promotional means. When you consider stadium capacity, minus season tickets and single-match tickets already sold, there’s not much ticket inventory left for the remainder of 2012. I have no doubt the Timbers can maintain their sellout streak this season, and can probably do so with minimal numbers of tickets being given away for promotional purposes.

However, it looks like the varnish has worn off. Last night’s crowd was a bit more typical than what you might see at a “premier” game against Seattle or Los Angeles. With the Timbers recent on-pitch woes, and the opponent not exactly being one of high profile within the league, it’s safe to say that the appeal of last night’s match was far lesser than where it could have been if the Timbers were performing within pre-season expectations.

While the volume of hardcore fans increases with each loss (which are now mounting up rather quickly), there’s one thing that speaks louder than even the most passionate fans: the bottom line.

This weekend saw supply finally catching up with demand. If current trends continue, supply will be greater than demand, which means there may be unsold tickets, which could lead to less revenue generated at concession stands, the team store, etc. Less sets of eyes watching the Jumbotron and staring at above-urinal posters during matches, or watching local TV broadcasts, means unhappy sponsors who paid for advertising and sponsorships with expectations of CPM’s (cost-per-mille, or cost-per-thousand) that are not being met.

Everyone in the Timbers universe (players, fans, front office, media, etc.) wants the Timbers to succeed. But anyone who thinks the Timbers can and/or will succeed without proper business acumen is only fooling themselves. Sports is a fun industry, but it’s still an industry, a.k.a. business. I don’t believe we, as fans, are so naïve to think otherwise. However, there will eventually come a time when ESPN and NBC Sports review the upcoming MLS schedule, look at Portland’s matches, and say “oh, the Timbers Army? Been there, done that. What else do they got there?” Unless there is a product on the pitch worthy of national attention, could we blame them for taking their traveling camera crew elsewhere?

And it’s not like we necessarily want to be the focal point. I bet if you asked any Timbers fan what they would prefer to be the reason for a Timbers match being aired on national TV, every single one of them would prefer that reason to be for the team itself, and not what’s going on in the stands. (Maybe that would be a valid poll for season ticket holders.) The Timbers Army has had quite the run of press coverage this year. We’d happily trade all of it for improved performance on the pitch. We know what we do is fun and interesting because we’re always interested in making it fun. But do we feel that we should be the focal point of the Timbers’ share in the global sports marketplace? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

As a season ticket holder, I began this season prepared to renew for 2013 with an increased price tag. I was expecting that to happen in correlation with a successful season. Even without a playoff spot, a successful season can still be had. Now, I’d be hard-pressed to accept a price hike without some kind of serious discussion and/or argument with my ticket rep.

New talent is expensive. Existing salaries will only go up. Overhead never gets cheaper. Maintaining an existing customer base is far cheaper than creating a new one. This is Business 101. Merritt Paulson is a smart man. He has an MBA from Harvard. He has the drive to win. He has the means to achieve his goals. So I will part with this question:

Can Merritt achieve his goals with the current assets, infrastructure and management in place?

 

This is an opinion piece and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the 107ist or the TA.

In the afterglow of last Tuesday's friendly vs Aston Villa ("afterglow" in this case is defined as "a game after which we didn't all feel like drinking bleach to rinse out the rancid taste"), there's more English-soccer-related news that might interest you. No, not the Olympic tournament that kicked off yesterday (featuring Team Good Britain—downgraded from Great after giving up a late equalizer to Senegal today), I'm talking about Fantasy EPL!

Last year's EPL top goal scorer and leading fantasy points man Robin van Persie. He's the most expensive player, and probably worth it...but where will he play?

If you've played before, you know how it works; and if you were on the Timbers Army league last year, you'll automatically join it as soon as you set up your team.

To join the Timbers Army league, go to fantasy.premierleague.com; once you've registered your team (it's free), go to Leagues > Join a League > Private League. When asked for the code, enter 210575-60962.

EPL kicks off on August 18, so you have plenty of time to craft a perfect team, without any players from [insert team you hate here], and with a really clever name and a color scheme that says "way too much time spent playing fantasy soccer."

Good luck and may the nerdiest nerd win!

Victory!

We won 12-6. Kinda we were in the driver's seat for most of the game. They did score the first goal, but the lack of subs for their team really hurt them.

Final Score: Coat? FC 12, opponent 6

Goal scorers:

Mike Kuh 3

Reid Storm 3

Milon Good 2

Jade Bryant 2

Josh Lawrence 1

Hansell 1

Because supporting the Timbers is as much an act of creativity as it is an act of faith....

Because we all love to find new ways to celebrate our team and our town....

Because maybe the gameday playlist was getting a little repetitive....

Because Seattle fans need new songs to steal....

Your Capos and Drum-and-Trumpet Corps have whipped up two new chants, which we’ll start using on Saturday, July 28, against Chivas.

***************************************************************************

The first is a short rouser adapted from a chant performed by fans of the Japanese J-League team Kashima Antlers:

KEEP IT UP

Whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh-ohh!

Whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh-ohh!

Keep it up, Rose City!

Don't let up, no pity!

Keep it up, Rose City!

Whoa-oh-oh-oh-ohh!

to this melody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nomZM6zcxdM#t=1m09s

***************************************************************************

The second is a Timbers Army original based on “Bella Ciao,” the classic Italian tune of Anarchist rebellion. The lyrics are adapted from Chumbawamba’s version of the song. (As far as we know, no other supporters in the world sing this famous melody; read more about the song here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bella_ciao)

BELLA CIAO

We are the Timbers, the Portland Timbers,

Green and Gold, Green and Gold, Green and Gold, Gold, Gold!

With our friends now, up to the city,

We're gonna shake the gates of hell!

Next time you see us, we may be smiling,

Green and Gold, Green and Gold, Green and Gold, Gold, Gold!

Maybe in prison, or on the TV,

We'll say the Timbers brought us here!

to this melody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaomLvwS8Rw&feature=player_detailpage#t=28s

******************************************************************

Learn ‘em, love ‘em, share ‘em, and print up the lyrics and bring ‘em to the game to share with your Timbers Army neighbors in the glorious reserved seat-free sections of the North End!

Thank you to the more than 60 Timbers Army volunteers who went to Oregon Food Bank on Saturday; after a mere two hours we had helped to pack and sort roughly 30,000 pounds of food, which will go into emergency boxes and to the people most in need. Two hours of your time helped get food to literally hundreds of people who otherwise might not be able to feed themselves.

TA Volunteers after their shift at OFB West in Beaverton. Can you spot your friendly neighborhood capo? (Photo by Richard Sheals)

It hurts to know that Oregon is among the top five states in the nation in hunger and #1 overall in childhood hunger (that's #1 as in last place), but it's an amazing feeling to know so many people who are willing to help.

If you missed this time and want to volunteer with future TA @ OFB days, send us an email to get on our mailing list. We'll have another outing sometime probably early November. In addition to directly helping people it's a lot of fun and a great way to bond with your fellow TA and SPREAD THE LOVE.

—by Chris Rifer

There comes a point where you just don’t know what to say. For me, that point comes after the letters required for the phrase “déjà vu” start to fade on my keyboard. After all the “Groundhog Day” metaphors are played out. After the team has lost, yet again, in uninspiring fashion on the road. So yeah, I’m there.

Sure, there are things that you could look at from Wednesday’s matinee[1] and feel positive about if we hadn’t already been tempted by them in the past. 86% passing! 14 shots! 21 open play crosses! In light of the barren ineptitude of the Real Salt Lake and Colorado away fixtures, some might see progress in that.[2]

But the simple reality is that Wednesday, in the only way that counts, was exactly like the rest of the Timbers’ recent road results: a loss. And a bad one, at that.

Portland’s fate was sealed in the 16^th minute,[3] when Ryan Smith undressed Steven Smith on the Goats’ right wing, sent a ball into the box that was deflected by Troy Perkins, and found Miller Bolanos sitting at the back post for an easy finish.

From there, the Timbers went on to have some control of the match. With the exception of a Pablo Cardozo 74^th minute chip that will go down as one of the misses of the season, Chivas didn’t create much of anything dangerous.

Then again, neither did the Timbers. Portland repeatedly put themselves in an enviable position in the final third, but time and time again were clinically deficient.

In the 19^th minute, Kosuke Kimura tried to pick Kris Boyd out in the box, but the Timbers only effective goalscorer couldn’t quite get foot to it to deflect it past Dan Kennedy.

52 minutes in, Eric Alexander—perhaps the most effective Timber on the afternoon—found Darlington Nagbe in the box, but the chronically confidenceless youngster made a mess of his header in steering it off frame.

Half an hour later, Steven Smith found his countryman in the box on a long ball forward, but Boyd couldn’t direct the over-the-shoulder ball inside the far post. Finally, perhaps mercifully, Smith sent his stoppage time effort from twenty yards wide of the far post.

The season on the field that started with ample optimism has become irretrievably lost. It has become the type of season that, when the Timbers win the league, you’ll turn to the person next to you and say “Do you remember when…?” And because we are Timbers Army, your neighbor will say “yeah, that’s what makes this feel so good.”

So, on Saturday, you’ll find me and I’ll find you doing the same thing we’ve been doing for a while now—heading to our local watering hole to watch our Timbers take on Dallas. And after that we’ll show up at Jeld-Wen Field to sing our throats raw for the team we have on the field now and in the expectancy that our day will come.[4] Because it will. I just don’t know how and don’t know when.

Timbers Grades

Troy Perkins, 4 It would have been a nice save, but Troy could have done better on the concession. In this rough patch the Timbers have needed a savior. While Perkins certainly hasn’t been at fault for much of anything, he hasn’t exactly been the anointed one, either.

Steven Smith, 3 Was helpful getting forward, but his crippling mistakes in defense are becoming a habit—especially on the road. That’s not unexpected for an MLS newbie, but it curiously seems to be getting worse.

Hanyer Mosquera, 5 Solid, if unspectacular game for Mosco. Still the Timbers’ least hypertension-inducing defender.

Futty, 4.5 Seemed a little bit lost, and the Timbers struggled to control their box a little bit, but ultimately wasn’t culpable for anything that did damage.

Kosuke Kimura, 4 Was lucky not to concede another penalty after he took a swing at the ball and looked to kick a Goat in the face. It may have been his best performance, however, and he may be the best crosser on the team right now.

Jack Jewsbury, 5 Pretty neutral match from Jack. The midfield was a lot more sure-handed on Wednesday than they were against LA, but that had more to do with a swap in partners than Jack’s effort.

Diego Chara, 6 Did the simple things simply. Looked to be a step off the pace at times, but that’s understandable considering he hasn’t played much recently. Still a massive improvement in the center of midfield.

Eric Alexander, 6 If there is a guy on the team that has benefitted from Spencer’s sacking it’s Eric. By yanking him in and out of the lineup, it’s clear Spenny got in EA’s head. Should stay in the lineup. If he can start putting shots on frame, he could be a bright spot going forward.

Darlington Nagbe, 5 Had a very Darlingtonesque game. Uses his body and pace to earn space better than just about anybody I’ve ever seen, but then lacks the confidence to make anything of it.

Kalif Alhassan, 4 Really personifies the Timbers’ home-away disparity.

Kris Boyd, 5 Can’t fault him for failing to make anything of the few chances that came his way. All would have been pretty shocking finishes.

Franck Songo’o, 5 Franck was fine, and got himself involved fairly well. But I can’t remember the last time a Timbers sub really made a difference.

Sal Zizzo, 5 Sal was also fine, but this move was curious. EA had been among the most effective Timbers, and the Zizzo sub seemed predetermined, not based on the course of the match at all.

Danny Mwanga, 4 This was the right move—as Alhassan looked lost in the middle—but ultimately Mwanga didn’t make much of a difference.

Preseason Prediction: Chivas 2, Timbers 0.

Actual Result: Chivas 1, Timbers 0.

Onward, Rose City!

Think back to your first experiences in the Timbers Army.

Did you buy a ticket somewhere else in the stadium, look over to the North End, say to yourself "That looks like a lot more fun" and wander over to investigate?

Did a friend bring you to your first match and squeeze you in among other folks who introduced you to our songs and traditions?

Did you migrate from one section to another for your first couple of games trying to find a "home" with folks who fit your idea of what mental and barmy is all about?;

Or did you head to the 200 sections where the pace is a bit slower and elbow room is easier to find?

And once you found your "home" in the North End, how many friends did you bring along to share what is one of the most unique experiences in world soccer?

What is the one thing that all of those things have in common? General Admission.

General admission is part and parcel of who and what the Timbers Army is about: freedom, movement, sharing and spreading the love, and making new friends and connecting with old. And the 107ist board is unanimous in our assertion that general admission is essential to creating the atmosphere that has been the talk of MLS since our first moments in the league.

The Timbers Army grew out of a communal experience that has been fostered and fueled by the loose, democratic, and very-Portland vibe that comes with general admission seating. You're part of a big tribe but have your own tent that pitches up in different places for different matches. You meet new people at every game. You're Timbers Army and you have an infinity of brothers and sisters. And all of that would be at risk or outright finished if the North End were turned into just another assigned-seating area.

Many questions have recently been raised regarding why we have kept general admission vs. reserved seating in the Timbers Army section. And the leadership of 107ist has been working on ways to ease many of the frustrations that have arisen with the increased crowds in the MLS era.

There are also many questions to be asked about what would happen if the Timbers Army went to a reserved seating section. We’ve come up with a quick FAQ that we think might be of help when considering your position on general admission seating in the Timbers Army section.

Q: Where will I be able to get seats?

A: The lower bowl has 1,944 seats by our last count and the Timbers Army sections hold roughly 5,000. The Timbers front office has stated that if they do move to a reserved seating section those with priority will have first crack at the tickets. Priority is code for how long you’ve had your season tickets. To put this very plainly if you didn’t purchase your first season tickets until the MLS era you’ll likely be in the upper 200s with the ability to move down only coming when other season ticket holders in the lower 100 levels opt not to renew.

Q: Will I get to sit next to my friends?

A: Given that the section is completely sold out unless you purchased season tickets at the same time, the chances are slim.

Q: Will this eliminate lines to get into Jeld-Wen Field?

A: Yes. However there are consequences to this. Think about what the rest of the reserved seating sections in the stadium look like in the East, West, and South before the start of the match. Likely most of the North End would also show up at kick off or just after creating large holes in the crowd in the North End, directly affecting the Timbers Army’s ability to create the most intimidating home crowd in MLS.

Q: What happens if I get tickets next to someone I don’t like?

A: Given that the section is completely sold out your options will likely be very limited. This means the “choose your own adventure” aspect we have long enjoyed will be eliminated. Right now if you don’t like where you are seated you can move anywhere you want. That won’t be an option with reserved seating.

Q: Are there other general admission sections at other stadiums around the league?

A: Yes, but nothing to the scale of what we have in Portland; however most supporters groups are pushing for their sections to be changed to general admission because they feel that assigned seating hinders their ability to grow andbecause of many other reasons the 107ist board has cited such as personality differences, atmosphere and so on. In fact there are many groups in England pushing hard to have the all-seated stadiums converted back to safe standing terraces due to the effect it has had on the atmosphere of the stadium. In fact simply Googling the phrase “effect on atmosphere of all-seater stadia” is quite depressing.

Q:Why is the 107ist board concerned with this now?

A: We are receiving telling signs that the Timbers Front Office wants to move in this direction and feel it’s important that the Timbers Army as a whole understand all the implications of (cut) a vote for (cut) reserved seating. We don’t want what has happened in places like Toronto or Philadelphia to happen here and feel that not only is it dangerous to meddle with the most intimidating atmosphere in the league but see it as a poor business decision for the Timbers Front Office itself. Ask yourself this question. If your reserved seats were near the top of the 200 section how likely would you be to renew? If you had a chance to acquire tickets in the lower bowl how much of a premium price would you be willing to pay for those seats?

Q:How would assigned seating affect the actual game-day experience?

A: Many tickets to the lower bowl will be available only through scalpers on the internet or outside the stadium. They will charge a greater premium for those seats than they charge now, and they will sell them to fans not used to what the Timbers Army experience is like. Do you wave flags or hold up two-sticks? Do you stand the whole match? Do you jump and clap and sing for victory? How would you like to explain all of that to someone who purchased an assigned lower bowl ticket from a scalper and feels entitled to sit quietly and watch the match without noise or obstruction? How would you like less singing, less tifo, less Tetris, less mental, less barmy? That's all in jeopardy with assigned seating.

Q: Will the prices change?

A: It's common sense to assume the 100 level would be pricier than the 200 level.

Please consider all of this if you are asked about reserved seating in the TA section. It may seem a good idea in the short term, it may mean you don't have to worry about getting in line hours before kickoff to be with your pals, but the overall atmosphere and experience of Timbers matches will be diminished. And if you wanted a lesser experience you could simply move to Seattle.

There are already 15,000-plus reserved seats at Jeld-Wen Field, and it's a hell of a job to get the people who are in them to participate and support the team loud and strong for 90 minutes. There is no doubt that the imposition of assigned seating in the Timbers Army sections of the stadium will result in pockets of the North End becoming just as stale and complacent as the east and west stands.

DON'T LET THE TIMBERS ARMY TURN INTO THE

LIBRARY OR THE FREE-DONUT BRIGADE!!!

SAY NO TO RESERVED SEATING IN THE NORTH END!!!

Team X, our opponent, has long been our friendly rival in Futsal coed D4. Many of our players have filled in on occasion with their team, so we have quite the camaraderie. Unfortunately, this did not translate to a win, for us. We started off strong, taking a 2-0 lead, but quickly lost it and went to the end of the half tied.

And then... something terrible happened. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but they scored like 5 goals in a row, of which 4 were the direct result of deflections - and kind of bad luck for our keeper.

We did our best to rally, but only managed to put in 3 more goals (including a buzzer beater), and the final score was 9-5, bad guys.

Final Score: Coat? FC 5, Team X 9

Goal distribution:

Milon Good - 1

Josh Lawrence - 2

Mike Kuh - 2

—by Nick Brock

Howdy folks!

Once again, it's time to put on your volunteer cap and give the fine folks at Sunday Parkways a hand.

If you've never volunteered at one of these events before, I highly recommend it. Not only is it a lot of fun, it's a great people-watching event. So if you want to help out, please follow these steps:

1) Click here

2) Sign up for either: Intersection Supehero - Wilson High School; 9:45-1:00 or Intersection Supehero - Wilson High School; 12:30-4:00 (Or both if that's what you want)

This will put you very close to the No Pity Van, which will be at the "Vermont/Wilson" marketplace.

3) When Registering, enter Timbers Army as your organization.

4) On July 22nd please check in at the No Pity Van before or after your shift. NOTE: This is NOT the official sign-in. You will still need to sign in at the official Sunday Parkways tent. We are doing this to help relieve the amount of stress on the official Parkways team. They have enough on their plate without having to track down who volunteered on behalf of the Army

5) OPTIONAL BUT HELPFUL - Once you register, please drop me a line on when/where you plan to volunteer. This will mostly make it easier for me to confirm the number of volunteers matches up with the sign-in sheets.

Please keep in mind, you'll be standing the sun for the majority of the day so bring sunblock and plenty of fluids. Water guns are also highly encouraged. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BRING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES (Caps Intentional) This is a family-friendly, alcoholic-free event, close to school grounds, with roaming police officers. Not only will you get in a lot of trouble, but it also reflects poorly on the TA as a whole, so please don't try it.

I think that covers everything, but if you have any questions or concerns, please let me know.

Thanks all!