—by Matthew Talley

Ladies and Gentlemen...We are capos.

Contrary to popular belief, we are not cheerleaders.  We are not ambassadors.  We are not your buddies.  We are the men and women who give everything we have within us to ensure that YOU support the Portland Timbers through thick and thin, and we are nothing more or less than that.

Much has been made of us this season.  We're not the "in crowd."  We're not "glory seekers."  We're not "dancing monkeys."  We're folks who pay for our season tickets, and turn our backs to EVERY match to make sure that the boys in green hear a unified Timbers Army supporting them through Hell of high water.  And we are damn glad to do the work we do.

In the past 3 weeks, our team has lost ten points in the playoff hunt, and we've gone minus ten in goal differential .  PTFC is spiraling towards the Wooden Spoon.  The players have lost their fighting spirit, and no longer play for pride.  The Timbers Army has become more of a spectacle than a supporters group.  And complaints on social media have ranged from "Our team sucks" to "Gavin Out," to "My capo was mean to me" have been doled out aplenty about like candy on Halloween in a rich neighborhood.

But through it all, the capos continue to give their all for the club, their town, and the TA.  And it's about time I do the same.  I became a board member in the past year, and I have been so focused on being a nice guy, I have shunned my duties as a capo, which is not to be The Nicest Guy in the TA.  I'm supposed to be a motivator.  I'm supposed to be a fighter.  I'm supposed to give it my all, even when the scoreboard says I should quit.  And it's about time I start doing that.

My knees hurt.  My voice continues to weaken as weeks go by.  I miss the USL days, and I miss the friends that I used to stand with before I was a capo.  And I am so damn frustrated at some folks in my sections whose top priority is getting "their spot" in the TA and posting photos of their bros on Instagram that they forget that the Portland Timbers are playing that day.  And you know what?  That is my fault, and I need to get over it.

I haven't been tough enough.  I haven't been merciless.  I haven't gone a full 90.  I have showed pity on the folks who want to take in the "TA Experience" more than they want to give their all to the club.  Those are my failures, and when I think back to the 2012 season, this is what I have to live with.  But no more.

I'm giving my all to the Timbers for the rest of the season.  And Sections 102 and 103, I'm coming, and Hell is coming with me.  I'm going to scream.  I'm going to shout.  A profanity or two might slip.  And if you're a "statue" and just "want to watch the match," I'm going to point out you out, mock you, and not relent until you sing a song, shuffle to Tetris, or pogo until I am satisfied.  You bought a ticket.  You came down to the lower bowl.  You wanted to be a part of the TA, even for just one night.  Now you're going to do what my fellow capos and I say.

Again, we're not the "in crowd."  We're not "glory seekers."  We're not "dancing monkeys."  This is who we are:

Sunday: You might brag about how bad you are.  She is everything that you brag about being.

Camm: He takes the temperature on the field.  And unlike the weatherman, he gets it right, every time.

Timberista: A true gentleman.  You'll miss him dearly when he's gone.

Bickle:  Living history.

Pong: The best of us.  The capos wouldn't be who they are today if it wasn't for his acceptance, teaching, and passion.

TimberJoe:  Want to know why the capos are so together as a group?  Ask him.  He did the heavy lifting this off-season.

Cowbell: My capo.  I would follow that guy to the gates of Hell.  Why wouldn't you do the same?

IceFunk: That's no bro.  That's a guy who grew up in the Timbers Army, created his own section when there was nothing, and leads it like Patton.

Milo: This man is the future.  Follow his lead.

Patch: 200 level and the top of 102/103.  This is not a spectator sport. You're Timbers Army too.  And he will remind you of that.

We are capos.  You might not like us all the time, you might not want to do what we say, but you will respect us.  Because we will make you bend to our will to support the Timbers no matter what happens on the pitch.  You didn't elect us.  You inherited us.  And we will be here long after a great many of you cash in your season tickets and tell stories of fondness and lorn at dinner parties about that time when you were a part of the Timbers Army.

We are capos.  We'll never quit.