—by Chris Rifer

The headline about says it all. In an effort that gives the word “uninspired” a bad name, the Portland Timbers were crushed by FC Dallas on Saturday evening.

The match started promisingly. Portland got through the all-important opening 30 minutes of the match on level terms with Dallas. Neither side looked to have a significant advantage as both created a couple chances they couldn’t convert. FC Dallas looked to open the scoring in the 18^th minute, as Jackson Goncalves blasted a pretty right-footed volley off the bar. Just one minute later Portland had its best opportunity as Dallas keeper Kevin Hartman botched a clearance of a Jack Jewsbury corner kick, but recovered in time to parry Rodney Wallace’s shot wide.

Just as Portland escaped the dangerous first 30 minutes and the match seemed to be settling into a nip and tuck affair, Daniel Hernandez sent a brilliant 34^th minute corner kick to the backpost where Zach Loyd got his head to the ball past a failingly flailing Rodney Wallace.

A problem turned into a crisis just five minutes later when Hernandez again sent a corner into the box, finding George John, who slipped by Kenny Cooper, for an all-too-easy header past Troy Perkins.

What threat Portland posed in the first half hour had entirely vanished in the course of six minutes. The once-competitive Timbers retreated into a shell, looking to not cede anymore ground before halftime.

The listlessness of the last 15 minutes of the first half, however, dominated the second half. In the 58^th minute, Brek Shea notched his second goal of the year against the Timbers in cleaning up an Eric Alexander miss off the post.

The response from Portland? A showing of pride? Maybe frustration? Nope. Not a pulse.

Finally, in the 85^th minute, Jackson fired a shot from distance that Perkins couldn’t quite get enough of a hand on to tip over the bar. The result was 4-0, a fitting result to an embarrassing effort.

Ugh.

Match Observations

• After the match I couldn’t help but think back to John Spencer’s introductory press conference, where he said that the one thing that he could promise was that our boys would give everything that had for the shirt. They didn’t on Saturday. That was awful. It was the kind of effort that would make Sounders supporters ask for a refund, and makes Timbers supporters show up the next Saturday and chant their heads off to help pick their boys up off the mat.
• The most disappointing statistic for me was this: 6 fouls. You’re getting punked and you’re only whistled for 6 fouls? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for the Brian Mullan frustration hatchet job, but 6 fouls shows a troubling lack of aggressiveness. Combine that with the 5 fouls the Timbers were whistled for against New York and a trend begins to emerge. In the last couple weeks John Spencer had advocated patience, but patience doesn’t mean indifference.
• Other than that, I don’t know what there is to be said about the match. In all phases of the game it was a complete and utter failure that, combined with the collapse of the U.S. Men’s National Team, made me spend the rest of the night in my apartment doing my best Troy Perkins post-goal face. For the first time in a while there is general uniformity in the grades. This was a complete team failure.
• One nugget for our glass-half-full friends: Sporting KC comes to town next week! A counter-nugget for our glass-half-empty friends: They have looked halfway decent lately.

Timbers Grades

Troy Perkins, 4 His effort was generally pretty indifferent. The thing that bothered me the most, though, was the decided lack of leadership in back. When the Timbers concede a goal, Troy needs to shelve the pouty face and try to put a heartbeat back in his defense.

Rodney Wallace, 3.5 Want to see one of the more pathetic defensive efforts off of a set piece you’ve ever seen? Look back at the first goal. Oh my goodness.

Futty, 4 I didn’t have very many moments where I noticed him as being individually culpable, but you could have built another Dallas subdivision on the amount of real estate that the striped strikeforce had to run around in behind the Timbers defense.

Eric Brunner, 4 See Futty.

Jeremy Hall, 4 Mr. Cellophane showed he is a lot closer to having his desired superpower than maybe he realizes.

Kalif Alhassan, 4 Got beat a couple times in defense and didn’t make much of an impact going forward.

Diago Chara, 4.5 I at least felt like he was trying. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t effective, but at least he was trying.

Jack Jewsbury, 4.5 Had a couple nice moments on set pieces, but didn’t make his presence felt in the center of the field very much.

Darlington Nagbe, 4 You have to wonder how healthy he is after the halftime substitution.

Jorge Perlaza, 3.5 He and Cooper are in a battle for the most offside calls on the team. In that regard, this was a statement match by Jorge.

Kenny Cooper, 3.5 Was culpable on the second goal, as he let George John waltz right by him. Nothing much to speak of coming forward, either.

Adam Moffat, 4 Was exposed in defense a couple times, but on this night, who wasn’t?

Sal Zizzo, 4 When you’re a second half substitution coming on when your team is floundering a little bit, you need to bring a new level of energy to the pitch to try to be a spark. Instead Sal came on and fit right in.

Eddie Johnson, 4 Like his fellow substitutes, failed to genuinely bring anything new to the match.