...and why you should.

—by Andrew Brawley

To be honest, I got more pressing matters. I got a kid moving into my house soon, and apparently they are like the worst roommates ever. The crying, and pooping, and eating, and Jebus knows what else. Let's just say this nursery ain't gonna put itself together. Plus, there's always that slight chance I could return from Seattle with some weird virus, and next thing I know, my first-born grows up a Sounders fan. Some battles are just more noble than others.

But that really is all it boils down to. Otherwise, I'd be leading the charge.

(Feel free to beat me with the comment stick down below and relentlessly ask me why I hate the Timbers.)

We've all heard about the shenanigans that went down last year. I've been told that steps have been taken to ensure both of this year's Seattle Away trips go down with as little static as possible.

The Timbers will need us there en masse, and we can't let them down. This is going to be one epic battle, and the Sounders will be playing their 4th match in 14 days. Just because Seattle managed to expend a ton of energy beating a 10-man 'B'-squad from Mexico to advance in CCL play doesn't we shouldn't kick them while they're down for our derby match.

However, if you're still a bit concerned for your well being and afraid of getting caught in a pinch, follow these important steps:

1. Have some emergency face paint ready at all times. If you get cornered, slap some on real quick. It doesn't have to look good (seriously), just make sure it's on your entire face. Use words like "woop woop" and "neden" and "hellz yeah bitch!" and you should escape without harm.

2. Name-drop local bands like Grammatrain and Candlebox. For instance: "oh my Gosh that new Grammatrain album is gonna be so great, and I heard Drew Carey is gonna help them make another video, too! Jeepers!"

3. When referring to the invention of soccer (not fútbol), remember the numbers 2-0-0-9.

4. If approached by an ECS capo, steal the nearest microphone and promptly hand it over to them. It's the best diversion out there.

Seattle Away veterans, please feel free to list your suggestions for avoiding a scrum at the CLink.

#GetOnTheBus

 

This is an opinion piece and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the 107ist or the TA.