—by Andrew Brawley

Every year when the MLS schedule is released, I add all games (home and away) to my calendar. For each away match, I have an instant reaction to the question:

What would it be like to travel to that one?

In five words or less, here are my thoughts to each Timbers road match for 2015:

3/21 @ Sporting KC
Not too hot, plus BBQ.

3/28 @ Vancouver
Japadogs. Poutine. Stupid border crossing.

4/19 @ NYCFC
Go Yankees!

4/26 @ Seattle
Tacoma traffic can eat me.

5/9 @ Montreal
Hear the strip clubs rule.

5/16 @ Houston
Might only be 110 degrees.

5/23 @ Toronto
Montreal has better strip clubs.

5/30 @ Colorado
Weed. Oregon. One month left.

6/24 @ Los Angeles
CSU Dominguez Hills in session?

7/11 @ Philadelphia
Where's the cream cheese factory?

7/25 @ Dallas
Texas in summer? No thanks.

8/2 @ San Jose
New stadium. Same thugs.

8/15 @ Real Salt Lake
Bottomless beers. Bottomless urination.

8/30 @ Seattle
Tacoma traffic still hasn’t moved.

9/26 @ Columbus
Buckeye AND Juggalo leftovers.

10/14 @ Real Salt Lake
Flares just keep us warm.

10/18 @ Los Angeles
Steven Gerrard is how old?

This is an opinion piece and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the 107ist or the Timbers Army.