—by Garrett Dittfurth

*Yadda yadda this isn't the official statement of the board it's just one guy's opinion yadda yadda*

All kinds of things happened on June 28th. The Battle of Sullivan's Island, which was the first decisive victory of the Americans in the Revolutionary War. Labor Day was declared a national holiday. Seoul was captured by North Korean troops. Mike Tyson Chewed Evander Holyfield's ear off in an act of cannibalism. So basically it's a day that things happen. Oh yeah this year the Timbers play too. They play the Sounders. You've heard of them I'm sure. They're the fishing village to the north that wears nuclear goat urine stained uniforms. It's very appealing to those with a taste for the late 80s and early 90s fashion strategies. I mean I get it. It was the 80s. I had a ski jacket that looked like an experiment of J. Robert Oppenheimer. OK enough with the nostalgia.

It's going to be upwards of 100+ degrees on Sunday. At 4:00. Right when the match starts. Most of you are going to be in the sun for the majority of the match. They could move the match like sane people would but they would cause TV. So you're going to be in the sun at about 100 degrees for the majority of the time you're at the stadium. Here's some advice.

#1) Bring a water bottle. You can bring in an empty water bottle. There is a new water bottle filling station in the north end. If you don't want to wait in the line just go to the bathroom and fill it in the sink. Seriously every single one of you do this. It isn't worth passing out with heat stroke to drink a bunch of beer in the sun. You also probably don't want to pay $4 for a bottle of water, which is the insane price they charge. Or at least it was the last time I had to buy a bottle of water in 100+ degree heat at the stadium. Just bring an empty water bottle and fill it. Drink several of these during the match.

#2) Don't spend the entire day drinking. Seriously nobody wants to carry you up a flight of concrete stairs and miss the rest of the match because you thought mimosas and beer all morning were a wonderful combination. You'll feel like crap on Monday and someone else will have to miss the match to deal with your hot mess.

#3) Bring misters. You know...basically a water bottle with a squirt handle on it. Fill it up in the bathroom and then squirt everyone around you. Rinse and repeat. In 100+ degrees you'll be the hero and someone will probably buy you a beer...don't buy the $4 bottles of water for misting. Actually no I'll say it. Don't buy the $4 bottles of water. #1 they're terrible for the environment and #2 it's a goddamned ripoff to charge $4 for water. Bring your own bottle and refill it...many, many times.

#4) Dress cool. No I don't mean dress in pink neon (though that would be rad) dress cool. Wear shorts and short sleeves. Do not dress like Borat unless you want to be made fun of for the rest of your natural born life.

#5) Put on sunscreen. Am I your mom? Most of the north end will be under the sun for much of the match and all of the pre-match. Put the stuff on or you're going to be a potato chip by halftime.

Hey if they won't move the game time (and they won't because TV) we may as well enjoy it. Just enjoy it safely. We have people in the TA who will help you out if you're having distress but please please please don't do anything to cause that like drinking excessively. They want to watch the match too. If anyone in your section has serious issues like passing out please get an usher who can get the correct medical personnel to come help. It's going to be hot. Drink a lot of water and enjoy the match. Just take proper precautions and also rub some sticks together for the players on the pitch. That turf is 20 degrees hotter than it is in the stands. No joke. The Seattle match in 2012 with the huge tifo I spent the first half of it pulling down the rigging. I poured two bottles of water into my shoes because it was so hot on the turf and I was just pulling down ropes right under the wall by the TA.