—by Andrew brawley

Even though it’s in the state of Texas, it’s pretty hard to hate on the city of Dallas right now. After all, their basketball team’s defeat of the Big 3 in the NBA Finals might have actually saved small-market teams such as our beloved Blazers, not to mention in pretty much all of North American professional sports. Plus, it’s only a four hour drive from Austin, which is often referred to as Portland South.

Since I haven’t been to Dallas in over five years, I’ve enlisted the help of a TA transplant. Rene Siracusa has been banished there for a few years, and has kindly chipped in some logic for those traveling to Texas for the Timbers’ match there this Saturday. Texas does not often cater to the thin-skinned, progressive minded folk we’ve come to be. So heed this advice, or risk getting slathered in barbecue sauce and nibbled on by the locals (actually, that might not be the worst thing ever).

Take it away, Rene (all day, OK, old bay…so much rhyming!).

• Dallas has two airports. Dallas-Ft. Worth on the west side, and Love Field on the south-east side. Both are equally far (25 to 30 miles) from Frisco, Texas, where Pizza Hut Park is located. Know which airport you’re going to, and how to get around from there.
• Once you get outside of Dallas proper, it is almost nothing but toll roads. Carpooling and singles are recommended. I still don't know how in the hell I'm going to get from the bus station to Frisco.
• Weather in Dallas area is usually a dry heat and at this time of year will be near 100. If it rains it will become humid as hell and will feel like you're breathing through a wet blanket. Bring clothes that are breathable. Bonus points for anything in red, white and blue.
• Buy an all-purpose bug bite cream/ointment/salve immediately upon arriving in Texas. There are bugs down here that the creams sold up north are not able to handle.
• It’s all suburban type stuff in Frisco, so if you need small-batch brewed coffee, you’re better off back in Dallas.
• If you’re looking for fun after the game, you’ll probably want to head back to Dallas for the night. It's ridiculous how much stuff there is to do there, as opposed to Frisco.
• Don't be surprised if you come across someone with a gun. Unless it's actually pointed at somebody. Many people here have a concealed weapons license. Yes, it should be concealed, but sometimes clothes slip out of place. Don't freak out.
• Don't start a political conversation unless you know you all voted for the same guy.
• People from Louisiana are very hard to understand sometimes, should you come across any during your stay in Texas. It's easier to understand a French person speaking English than it is to understand a Louisianian speaking English sometimes. Just nod in agreement, smile and move on.

If you have Internet, you can follow Rene Siracusa on Twitter.